• Ketamine

    After two or so weeks tapering off the last of my debilitating medications, I was finally scheduled for my first Ketamine infusion. For those following, you already know the backstory. For those new here, it was an extremely painful, long fucking time coming.

    In the weeks leading up to the infusion, I’d seen patients being wheeled, on their beds, out of and back to their rooms for EKT/ECT (electroshock) or Ketamine treatments. Including my-then roommate, a young twentysomething German woman who went for regular EKT treatments. So, I was prepared for that part. Or so I thought.

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  • Hospital: Everything in Therapy; Therapy in Everything

    As mentioned in my previous hospital post, I had to wait a few weeks to continue tapering off the Jatrosom/Parnate (MAOI) before starting the Ketamine treatment.

    After I got situated in my room and had a tour of the facilities, a nurse brought me my schedule. A couple of my co-patients, who spoke English, sat with me to translate it. I jotted down, briefly, the gist of the activity directly on the schedule, as seen below.

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  • The Drugs Don’t Work

    In an earlier post, “The Accident”, I spoke of my earlier medication trials, also with intolerable side effects.

    The usual disclaimers: not all medicine and therapies work similarly for everyone. Mileage varies a great deal, unfortunately.

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  • The Accident (2001-2003)

    Disclaimer: In this post I discuss side effects I experienced from various medications. Everyone is different, some medications work, some don’t. What hasn’t worked for me does work for someone, actually millions, of other people.

    Between 2001 and early 2002 I experienced a series of ‘major life events’ in a short period of time. In the US, when you first visit a doctor you fill out a questionnaire. The following question often appears:

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  • Fuck You Santa!

    By the time we arrived back to our flat, in Berlin in December 2013, I had lived and worked in 5 cities across 3 countries. Since 2008. This was not by choice but necessity.

    During the fall of 2013, I resigned from my role as acting head of UxD at a firm I consulted at in Torino. I had been consulting there 2.5 years, full time onsite. I had the pleasure of working with an amazing and talented group and they felt like family. Though, I was already exhausted and chronically stressed when I arrived in Torino in 2011. I pushed through those Torino years nearly destroying myself in the process.

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  • Live Through This

    There’s so much, I don’t even know where to begin. In my work, I’ve really loved the non-linear aspects. Designing narratives and scenarios which, combined, create a greater understanding of the experience. I think I’ll go about the same here. Non-linear. Not based on chronology. Rather all posts, together, convey the whole.

    For starters, I think there are multiple types of depression. I wouldn’t be surprised if what we understand today as the ‘sliding scale’ are actually different types of illnesses altogether.

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  • Concerning My Health

    BionicFarmer started out as a dog blog in 2007. What began as a chronicle of the adoption of my then-senior dog, Dolph, and then a general blog, is being revisited and changing focus.

    The revival will focus on my severe depression and bipolar disorder, the past few years in its grip, on sick leave from work, the entire time, and isolated in a foreign country. What led up to this, and how I experience things today.

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