• A New Kind of Therapy

    I received my ‘Einweisung’ (admission note) in the post from my regular psychiatrist and went to the station at the hospital, where I had previously been, at the appointed time of 9am on a Tuesday. 

    It was the end of March and the central pathway to one of the main hospital entrances was getting dusted with snow.  I recall taking an extra moment to capture this image in my head as I had never witnessed snow at the hospital before. 

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  • The End of the Beginning

    This blog took a break as I was under the weather for several months. I took the site offline as I entered Charité again.  I’m now re-reading these posts to recall where I left off. I’m surprised the last post was even in 2018. So it goes.

     It’s a bit difficult to know where to pick up here for people who are following and those who haven’t. I was very ill from late 2013-2015, went to hospital in 2015 and got better thanks to the amazing folks at Charité and experimental medicine of ketamine infusions. I recovered and decided to go back to school.

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  • Ketamine (part 2)

    Another long gap between posts. Not by design but life circumstances. Finished my thesis and wrapped up my master’s.  Continuing here has been nagging at me, so here we go.

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  • Ketamine (part 1)

    After two or so weeks tapering off the last of my debilitating medications, I was finally scheduled for my first Ketamine infusion. For those following, you already know the backstory. For those new here, it was an extremely painful, long fucking time coming.

    In the weeks leading up to the infusion, I’d seen patients being wheeled, on their beds, out of and back to their rooms for EKT/ECT (electroshock) or Ketamine treatments. Including my-then roommate, a young twentysomething German woman who went for regular EKT treatments. So, I was prepared for that part. Or so I thought.

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  • Hospital: Everything in Therapy; Therapy in Everything

    As mentioned in my previous hospital post, I had to wait a few weeks to continue tapering off the Jatrosom/Parnate (MAOI) before starting the Ketamine treatment.

    After I got situated in my room and had a tour of the facilities, a nurse brought me my schedule. A couple of my co-patients, who spoke English, sat with me to translate it. I jotted down, briefly, the gist of the activity directly on the schedule, as seen below.

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  • The Drugs Don’t Work

    In an earlier post, “The Accident”, I spoke of my earlier medication trials, also with intolerable side effects.

    The usual disclaimers: not all medicine and therapies work similarly for everyone. Mileage varies a great deal, unfortunately.

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  • The Accident (2001-2003)

    Disclaimer: In this post I discuss side effects I experienced from various medications. Everyone is different, some medications work, some don’t. What hasn’t worked for me does work for someone, actually millions, of other people.

    Between 2001 and early 2002 I experienced a series of ‘major life events’ in a short period of time. In the US, when you first visit a doctor you fill out a questionnaire. The following question often appears:

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  • Fuck You Santa!

    By the time we arrived back to our flat, in Berlin in December 2013, I had lived and worked in 5 cities across 3 countries. Since 2008. This was not by choice but necessity.

    During the fall of 2013, I resigned from my role as acting head of UxD at a firm I consulted at in Torino. I had been consulting there 2.5 years, full time onsite. I had the pleasure of working with an amazing and talented group and they felt like family. Though, I was already exhausted and chronically stressed when I arrived in Torino in 2011. I pushed through those Torino years nearly destroying myself in the process.

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